Another day, another moment, another thought, another post

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Losing perspectives

The recent Kushboo contoversy about pre-marital sex being ok as long it is safe, is being talked all over in the context of culture. Honestly, I am proud of the conservative culture of Tamil Nadu with Chennai lately falling prey to "Development". However the joy of walking the mornings in Triplicane with those suprabhatams echoing from each household, the morning coffee, the hindu paper, the prayers, hmm simple things have defined our identity. Things like pre-marital sex have never been and should never be discussed in public. What is Kushboo trying to say?
As much I disagree with the whole discussion on abortion by the federal government, I disagree with Kushboo's remarks as well.
That it is offensive to tamilians has been overstated by the those people claiming to safeguard the tamil culture. That they are morons and politicians waiting to exploit the emotions need not be stated. and that they will never be successful by crying foul at english names for tamil films, and these kind of remarks as long as tamilians remain the sensible voters they are, (Come on we are so much better than the rest of the country. How often have we had a Laloo or a Mayawati or a Mulayam or a Dharam Singh???), these people can never get to be the policy makers.
It is also offensive that she had to say this in public for economic and social reasons. The key word in her remark " Pre-marital sex is ok, as long as they are SAFE". Now, SAFE is a big question... What percentage of people know what Safe sex is? In a country where going and buying a condom is still considered under the blanket, how many of them will really be riding the risk factor?
Now given the immaturity of the modern Indian economy, can we afford teen pregnancy?
A society that still views divorced women with an attitude, can it accept single mothers? Will schools be courages enough to break taboos and give places to children of poor single moms? Poor is important for the rich can buy their way through.
There are lot of aspects to oppose to what she said than just culture. For once, can we let our heart keep quiet and let the brains talk?


Blogger Vinayak said...

I've blogged Kushboo's original comments in Tamil. You can see them on the following URL

A free translation with no recourse follows. If there are other Tamils, you are welcome to provide alternate / better translations. This translation may also be blogged / posted with some credit to me... but with no copyrights.. :

========= start kushboo's comments with some notes from me ==========

*From Sep 28 2005 India Today*

"Kushboo : ..Chennai *was* behind Bangalore with regard to women expressing sexual matters ...."
(Note : I've used "matters" here as her Tamil word does not exactly translate to desires).

Kushboo : ".....Now women in Chennai are also crossing these mental taboos on sexual matters. We get to see a lot of women (girls? ) in Pubs and discos (at Chennai). (These days) Women can talk freely on matters regarding sex. Slowly the woman is opening her wings and has started flying out in this restricted society. Still, accidents to women like Stephany raises some questions about how healthy this trend is?. Sex education is very essential in schools. Even if sex education is not provided in schools, parents have to teach their children about sex....."

Kushboo : "...For me sex is not just a physical thing. Its mental too. I can't understand how women can change their boy friends every week..."
(Note : Kushboo says that she can't accept this habit of changing boy friends per week.... NOT that this does NOT happen !!. That means there are many girls who have weekly boyfriends and Kushboo who is aware of pubs and discos must have a good overview of this.
Note : Its quite possible that after a few years, meaning 52 x 4 = 208 boyfriends when these new age women get married, they would get rather tired of men and soon seek the 498A route :-()

Kushboo : "....If a girl is going strong with her boyfriend, she can go out with him after informing her parents..."
(Note : No issue of seeking permission here. I've carefully read the Tamil word / words. It just says inform. Not seek permission)

Kushboo : "...If a girl has a Strong relationship, the parents have to allow that...."
Note : all about relationships BEFORE marriage. Social acceptance of the same etc... and then comes the clincher)

Kushboo : "...Our society has to be liberated from thoughts like "a woman has to be a virgin at the time of marriage". No educated man would expect his wife to be a virgin. However, women have to safeguard themselves from pregnancy or other disease, while having pre - marital sex....."
Note : So the issues are just physiological and economic at the maximum. don't get pregnant before marriage and don't be left holding the baby !!. The issue is NOT about chastity..

Kushboo : "...I married the man I was in love with. Since we were sure about our relationships, we had sex before marriage. Its now six years since marriage. Since we have two children, our responsibilities have grown. Since the children sleep in the same room as we do we need to find other private times (/moments) for us. Still we have a happy married life. Married people should know how to satisfy their spouse's physical needs. There would be no problems, if desires are understood mutually. ..."
(Note : She has had pre marital sex. She says she married the same person. She was an actress BEFORE she was married.)

Kushboo : "...Some increase gratification by using sex books, photos etc. One cannot say that is wrong. At the same time At the same time, one should understand the other's likes, dislikes and comforts, discomforts. Men who mistake women talking about sex should change their views. Mutual consent is essential for sex. ..."
(Note : Last para is some general whitewash .. The whole interview speaks tons about pre marital sex, sex between partners, safe sex and so on. At one point she cautions women *not* to get pregnant by Pre marital sex !!)

========= end of Translation and comments =================


9:26 AM


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